We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
All I want is dick and wine.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
