What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
