Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize
