Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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