sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
