I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
