Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
your like the ambassador to my penis.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
