the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
