We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
