Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
