i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
