Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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