sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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