wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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