is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
