The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
