Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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