there's paper in my vomit.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
