i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
