I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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