well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i think my cat just said my name.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
