I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
