Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!