3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.