how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I bet he comes in French.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
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Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
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I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.