Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
