so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize