well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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