I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
