Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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