This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
