i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
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