I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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