so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
