I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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