I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
