I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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