So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
