I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
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