Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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