Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
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if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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