this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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