Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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