I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
