3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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