someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
