i just sent this text using only my big toe
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
