I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
