I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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