Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
