that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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