I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
