When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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