with your own penis?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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