My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
