Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1