dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
