mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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