i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
