Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
